Control Rapid Ejaculation

Like a lot of men, you might draw a large part of your sexual pride and self-esteem from your ability to satisfy your lover.

In other words, your ability to bring her to orgasm.

Needless to say, coming too soon if you're a man isn't very helpful here. If you can't last longer in bed, then find out how!

You see, knowing how to give a woman an orgasm is very important for most men -- not least because a lot of women could come during intercourse if men could last longer in bed.

Sidebar: Check out Ejaculating By Command - it helped me become a better lover, managing over ten minutes' lovemaking before I explode....

It doesn't matter whether you believe this point of view or not. The truth is, women do not appreciate intercourse being terminated before they are satisfied by a man ejaculating too soon. Read more about lasting longer in sex here.

And the consequences of premature ejaculation can be significant for men as well.

Men who come quickly during sex are not likely to have had an experience which reinforces their sense of masculinity or their pride in their sexual ability.

So one of things that emerges from this is that a lot of men want to last longer in bed – you can see the truth of this statement by looking at the vast number of cures available on the Internet, of greater or lesser integrity, let alone effectiveness.

But one thing I've learned over many years dealing with men who have this problem is that one single approach to the problem is sometimes not enough.

You may need to combine a number of treatments which will work together to deal with whatever the origin of the problem in your particular case.

So you might find that a desensitizing spray on your penis is sufficient to delay ejaculation.

Or you may find that the origin is deep in your subconscious, perhaps from some traumatic experience in your teenage years, in which case a delay spray on your penis isn't likely to have much effect, and therapy or counseling may be needed as well.

In any event, short-term solutions such as delay sprays don't get to the root of the issue and really deal with what's causing it.

And furthermore, sex is meant to be highly enjoyable for both partners – yet when you use a delay spray on your penis (or perhaps also when you take Priligy, the SSRI now licenced for use as a drug for controlling premature ejaculation), you're not going to experience the full impact of the sexual pleasure that you could otherwise be feeling.

So what's the answer to this? Well, here are a number of simple strategies which will help you begin to adapt your attitude to sex, and undoubtedly reinforce the pleasure that you're feeling around sex and sexual intercourse.

First of all, Stop Thinking Too Much During Sex

 

When you are entirely focused on your ability (or lack of ability) to control your  ejaculation, you're actually concentrating on your deficiencies rather than your successes.

In a way this is a form of self-consciousness, being so aware of your own sexuality and your own sexual experience, which can make you feel anxious about the possibility of ejaculating too soon.

And of course when your focus is on that possibility, that is often what happens!

Instead, turn your attention to your partner, and make sure that she is satisfied and happy with what you're doing for her before you even enter her.

Oral sex is a very good way of pleasuring a woman – in fact, the majority of women say that oral sex is their favorite activity.


couple with premature ejaculation


So take your focus off premature ejaculation and turn it onto the possibility that you may be very good at bringing your partner to orgasm - and that you can do this confidently and with self-assurance.

When you succeed in bringing woman to orgasm like this you're almost certain to reinforce your sexual confidence and develop a sense of pride about how well you can make love to a woman – (and, hopefully, how easily you can control premature ejaculation and take her to orgasm).

Now, of course that alone isn't enough, but it does help to reduce your "performance anxiety", and this in turn will make you feel less anxious about coming too quickly – it may even make you feel less anxious about sex in general.

Not only that, but the way you think about sex has a massive impact on the speed with which you ejaculate.

When you are less anxious, you're halfway there, but in addition you must NOT focus on your own orgasm – which of course is what most men with premature ejaculation find themselves doing during lovemaking.

And the only other place to focus your attention is on the sexual experience that you're both enjoying, or on your partner, or both.

And that's what I recommend you do. I've already suggested this means focusing on her having an orgasm before you do, perhaps even before you've entered her.

As men, we're all subject to the belief that there's only one "real" form of sex and that's penetrative intercourse – what's become known as PIV sex - short for penis in vagina sex!

Yet there are so many other things that a couple can do, many of which will actually be more fulfilling for a woman than penetration – it's only the male illusion that penetration is the "be all and end all" of sex which makes it necessary for men to continue experiencing the pain and difficulty of not being able to control premature ejaculation.


couple with premature ejaculation


That's a massive step to make feeling happier and more confident about lovemaking.

But there are plenty of other things that you can do as well.

Second, focus on using different sexual positions.

It's an absolute clichι, but the man on top position actually makes men ejaculate faster, partly because it puts pressure on the bodily muscles, and partly because it's so fundamentally arousing and powerful for a man's self-image as a sexual dominator and penetrator.

So the best position for men who have a tendency to ejaculate quickly is side by side sex – this will reduce very dramatically the amount of sensation on your penis, while still giving her plenty of pleasure.

Indeed, this position can significantly increase the time taken to ejaculate, particularly if you use plenty of lube – which will reduce the penis-in-vagina friction even further.

Once you've removed friction, you may find it a lot easier to avoid arriving at your "point of no return" too quickly.

And bear in mind that sex positions don't have to be conventional, and sexual intercourse doesn't have to be a prolonged and continuous experience between you both thrusting until you come.

Indeed, withdrawing from a woman, while keeping her aroused by stimulating her clitoris can be a useful step from men who feel that they don't have much control over orgasm and ejaculation.

The repeated withdrawal of your penis from her vagina should allow you to very significantly reduce your arousal, so that the next time you enter her, you're much less likely to feel any danger of ejaculating too soon.

So recognizing that those two things might not be enough, my third suggestion (despite what I said above), is to consider the possibility of using a delay cream.

Now I know that this isn't a very good answer, because you can reduce sensitivity to the point where you unfortunately lose a lot of the enjoyment of sex .....  and if you're not using a condom, you can often find that the anesthetic transfers itself to your partner's vagina, with unfortunate results for her.

But there are certain creams on the market you can use – and here's one of them. Watch the video through to the end.

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