How Does Uncontrolled Ejaculation Affect Your Relationship?
Some time ago, two researchers asked 152 men and their female partners about the man's ejaculatory behavior.
For example, they asked the man and the woman in a couple if the man had a problem with premature ejaculation (which they called rapid ejaculation).
They also asked how sexually satisfied the couple were, how well they thought their relationship was going, and what their sexual concerns might be.
Interestingly, the men and women's comments on the men's ejaculation behavior didn't really match up.
In general, the women saw premature ejaculation as less of a problem than the men did.
Of course, there was a lot of individual perception at work in the women's judgments about whether a man had a problem with PE or not.
But it was very clear that both sexes got less sexual pleasure the faster a man ejaculated, although this wasn't related to how satisfying the relationship was overall.
So even though there are many other ways of making love besides intercourse, early ejaculation during intercourse does seem to affect both a man's pleasure and his partner's satisfaction.
Masters and Johnson made this point explicit when they tried to incorporate the female partner's satisfaction during intercourse into the definition of premature ejaculation.
Even so, few studies of premature ejaculation give any information about the pleasure received by a man's sexual partner; fewer still have looked at how the women sees the man's behavior.
In this study there was a lot of data from both men and their female partners, all of which helped to reveal the effects of premature ejaculation on relationships.
The Impact On Sexual Pleasure
The researchers mailed a questionnaire about sexual pleasure and premature ejaculation to 1,989 male university alumni. Only 152 couples responded (no surprise there, I feel!). But what a lot of data they provided!
On average, both the men and the women said that they had sexual intercourse just under twice a week on average.
However, the women said there had been more lovemaking than the men in a typical 4-week period: women claimed they had made love 7.4 times and men claimed 6.7.
That figures - women always think they are having more sex than they are, and men less!
Even so, I would say this was probably diminishing the possibility of a women's sexual satisfaction and pleasure. Read more about how you can make a woman come here. After all, you do want her to experience pleasure, don't you?
Effects Of Fast Ejaculation On Men
The men completed a measure of relationship satisfaction scale on five scales: very good to very bad; very pleasant to very unpleasant; very positive to very negative; very satisfying to very unsatisfying; and very valuable to worthless.
They also assessed their own level of overall sexual satisfaction on a similar scale, rating the quality of their overall sexual relationship in similar fashion. Possible scores on both scales ranged from 5 to 35, and the higher scores suggest greater satisfaction.
The men were also asked about their current sexual behavior. They were asked to provide information about seven separate measures of premature ejaculation:
- time to ejaculate following penetration (LATENCY);
- concern about ejaculating too soon; (CONCERN);
- satisfaction with ability to choose when to ejaculate (SATISFACTION);
- degree of control over first ejaculation (CONTROL);
- how often they involuntarily ejaculate before intercourse starts (% ANTIPORTAL);
- how often men try to prolong intercourse by delaying ejaculation (% DELAY);
- and lastly their tendency to ejaculate sooner or faster than a man wishes (% RAPID).
And they were required to provide information about premature ejaculation and other problems such as lack of sexual interest, feeling unaroused or turned off, partner asking for sex at inconvenient times for sex, inappropriate length of foreplay, and so on.
I wonder if asking men if they think they have a current or past problem with premature ejaculation, defined as ejaculating before the man wanted to, and in spite of his desire to delay it, was a 100% fool-proof research tool. But hey! It's better than nothing!
Men who indicated they had a problem were asked to rate how it affected their self-esteem and their partner's self-esteem.
The men also reported their assessment of their sexual pleasure and their partner's sexual pleasure, as well as the impact that their premature ejaculation had on the couple's sexual relationship and the couple's overall relationship.
These men and their partners were also asked if their partners did anything to stop premature ejaculation and prolong intercourse.
In addition, the men were asked about any problems they may have had with erection problems.
And lastly they were asked a series of questions designed to discover the impact of ejaculating prematurely on each man's sexual behavior.
For example, if he had ever avoided sexual intercourse because of concerns about his tendency to ejaculate too quickly, the timing of his ejaculation, or if his partner had shown any dissatisfaction with the timing of ejaculation or duration of intercourse.
Effects Of Fast Male Ejaculation On Women
The female questionnaire was similar to the men's, but the women were also asked to assess the degree of control their man had over his ejaculation.
It may or may not surprise you that the men and women had very different views of the men's ejaculatory control!
The odd thing is that the women thought the men had much greater control over their ejaculation and lasted longer than the men's self-assessment would have suggested.
And they were significantly less concerned about it than the men were.
The women believed the men were less concerned about premature ejaculation than they actually were, and they believed the men were more satisfied with their ability to control ejaculation than the men were.
More interestingly still, they reported that their concerns about the men ejaculating too fast were lower than the men's concerns on that score.
What does it all mean? Well, obviously, men seem to define their ejaculations as "premature" more readily than women do.
(A related finding may be that women and men rarely agree on how long intercourse actually lasts - not the objective time it lasts but the perceived time it lasts. In general, women seem to think this is longer than men.)
Most of the men and the women agreed, however, that the men attempted to make intercourse last longer at least some of the time.
But while few of the men thought that the women did anything specific to prolong intercourse, the truth was rather different.
A lot of the women said that they actually did change their sexual behavior to try and prolong intercourse at least some of the time.
Women who believed their partners had a problem with stopping premature ejaculation also believed their men had lower levels of satisfaction around the timing of their ejaculation.
Effects Of Rapid Ejaculation On A Couple
What is most important, of course, is how premature ejaculation and its treatment affects a relationship.
No surprise that the investigators found that higher levels of sexual satisfaction were linked to having fewer symptoms of rapid ejaculation.
Nor is it a surprise that women recorded rather more sexual concerns (this does not include concerns about premature or rapid ejaculation) than the men did.
Men who regarded themselves as having symptoms of premature
ejaculation also recorded more sexual concerns than other men.
Around one quarter of women expressed dissatisfaction about the duration of intercourse and the timing of their partner's ejaculation, but they did so infrequently.
Perhaps most interestingly of all, few of the men in the
study had ever looked for help or information about early ejaculation.
When men with rapid ejaculation problems were asked to estimate how their sexual dysfunction affected self-esteem, sexual pleasure and the quality of the sexual relationship, they spoke of a slightly negative impact, but as in other studies, there was no effect on the relationship in general.
So really, this study shows that men's reports of their ejaculatory timing can be a little unreliable! And there is often little agreement between men and their partners as to whether or not a man really has a tendency to ejaculate too soon!
Also, early ejaculation is linked to lower sexual satisfaction for both men and their partners.
But even so, female partners seem to have little understanding of men's emotional and psychological experiences around men's efforts to stop premature ejaculation.
(The same is true in reverse: 40% of the women said they did specific things to delay ejaculation, but only 17% of their men knew about this.)
It seems that men and women do not really share their thoughts, feelings, worries and intentions about ejaculation and the duration of intercourse.
Having said that, the impact of premature ejaculation is not generally severe enough to affect overall relationship satisfaction or stop men wanting intercourse.
Other studies have shown that men with premature ejaculation experience lower pleasure from their orgasms but they have similar levels of relationship satisfaction and make love just as often as men who do not have it.
There is no link for women between a man's rapid ejaculation and other sexual worries, but there is for men.
Those men who are less satisfied with how much control they have over their ejaculation, have more widespread sexual concerns than other men.
But PE does not have much effect on a couple's sexual pleasure, sexual relationship, or romantic relationship, at least in this study.
The obvious explanation is that couples get round early ejaculation issues with other forms of sexual pleasure such as masturbation and oral sex.
Overall, rapid ejaculation has a slightly adverse effect on men and women's sexual satisfaction - even if the couple do not seek help or avoid sexual intercourse.
However, for some men, rapid ejaculation has an extremely negative impact on sexual pleasure and self-esteem.
This article is based on a piece about premature or rapid ejaculation and heterosexual male and female couples' perceptions of the man's ejaculatory patterns, which was written by Sandra Byers and Guy Grenier and appeared in Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol 32, No. 3, June 2003, pp. 261-270