Treatment Of Prematurity - Is it Actually Necessary?
What do you think is the average time between penetration and ejaculation? Fifteen minutes? Twenty? Longer?
The answer to this question is a real surprise: men who believe that they have premature ejaculation, in other word, who think that they ejaculate prematurely, last on average 2 minutes 30 seconds from penetration to ejaculation.
Men who do not consider themselves to have premature ejaculation last on average 3 minutes.
That's right - their ejaculatory self-control is a remarkable 30 seconds longer.
(According to a University of Koln study.)
This is a pretty amazing state of affairs.
What it means is that the vast majority of men - whether they see themselves as skillful lovers or not - come very shortly after they have entered their partner's vagina. I mean, 3 minutes is not a long time.
And nothing's changed for a long time....in 1958, one study in the United States discovered that 3 men in every 4 ejaculated within three minutes of penile insertion. That's what you call a quick-fire ejaculation reflex!
Men, it seems, are not doing much to enhance the pleasure of their lovers! But if things haven't changed in 50 years....
Does Ejaculating Prematurely Matter?
I guess it depends on how you feel about sex and about satisfying a woman in bed.
We men are very driven to achieve orgasm and ejaculation, and our sexual desire may well be satisfied by a quick bout of sex.
Indeed, most men would say there are very few things as satisfying as making love with their partner, feeling the warmth and luscious wetness of her vagina around their penis, and ejaculating inside her.
But how much do you think of your partner's needs when your sexual pleasure is what is important?
For many couples, this situation is just normal. They've got used to having sex like this over months or years, and the habit sticks.
She probably has an orgasm with masturbation or cunnilingus before he penetrates her; she then welcomes him into her body and - before they know it - Bang! he's exploded and things come to an abrupt and sticky end. He doesn't know how to control himself, so he comes without warning, or too fast, or before he wishes.
So we tend to treat premature ejaculation as normal. And acceptable. And both partners accept that the man cannot avoid coming too soon.
Even thought he clearly has no endurance or stamina in bed whatsoever!
But the couple are happy enough with this routine, and though the woman may wish her man lasted longer in bed, they probably don't see the man as requiring treatment for premature ejaculation.
But other couples are not happy about it all. There are three main reasons why:
Sometimes a woman wants her man inside her for longer simply because she enjoys the feelings of being penetrated and having his penis inside her so much.
In other cases - probably where she hasn't much opportunity for orgasm by manual play or oral sex during the lovemaking session - she thinks she would reach orgasm if only her man could thrust for longer.
Lastly, the man might think he can make his partner come if only he could thrust for long enough, so he sees himself as a failure as a lover and feels bad about himself.
HOWEVER: Avoiding the need for self control does not necessarily mean you don't care about stopping PE. It probably means you don't know how to control it.
What Premature Treatments Are Available?
I'd like to add some thoughts on whether or not it is actually necessary to find a remedy for premature ejaculation at all.
Do you take off like a rocket, or do you have some self control during sex? And does it matter?
Considering that this website is all about the various things you can do to get better control in bed, that may seem like an odd question.
However, there are some issues here which go beneath the surface of the issue which we need to think about carefully....
For one thing, any man who has such a severe problem that he ejaculates before he's entered his partner - or even just after he's entered her - needs some pretty swift help and a very effective treatment to stop himself coming too soon.
You're both going to be upset if that's the norm in bed.... so if that couple IS you, check out the link in the right hand column of this page. It'll take you straight to a good method of stopping FAST ejaculations you don't want.
But here I'm talking about men who can last for a reasonable length of time - and who still think they are not good enough, that they do not have enough control, are simply not being good enough in bed.
Dissatisfaction with sexual performance
First of all, do you think you have a responsibility to "satisfy" your female partner(s) during sex?
While that's an extremely common view among men in our Western society, think again....because - wait for it - women are responsible for their own sexual satisfaction.
So you might think men have a responsibility to ensure that a woman is sexually fulfilled, but what about the woman's responsibility to ensure that she gets what she wants during sex (e.g. an orgasm, maybe)?
Simply complaining about her man's performance afterwards, rather than getting her orgasm herself - and there are ways, you know! - is unhelpful, if not downright perverse. It's also quite avoidant behavior.
And, having said that, I recognize that for most men - including, probably, you - the desire to bring a woman to orgasm is very strong. And that's OK as long as you're not a control freak.
But thinking "you are the man!" and you have to do it for her just puts an added responsibility on you. In other words, if you're a premature ejaculator, your prematurity will only add to your level of anxiety.
The only thing you can do in this situation is to find a way to stop ejaculating prematurely. Find out how to continue thrusting during vaginal intercourse with more ejaculation control. Hint: see the right hand column of this page! The answer is there!
Pleasure Her Before You Make Love
Alternatively you can adopt a totally different strategy which means that your woman has an orgasm even if you can't give her long lasting penile penetration and vaginal thrusting.
Which means: ensure that you take your woman to orgasm before you even think about entering her vagina.
But even here you still have a little problem. To whit, if you become so aroused when you enter her that you have little or no control, and premature orgasm is your "norm", you may not feel good about yourself.
Once again, therefore, maybe you need a good premature ejaculation treatment. See our product page for details.
Another possibility is for a man to enter a woman and remain still within her vagina without thrusting.
This can be a very powerful and intimate connection, and it will let you avoid ejaculating prematurely and the pain and embarrassment that follow your loss of control.
The problem is that your partner's likely to want you to thrust inside her so you stimulate the very sensitive spots inside and outside her vagina: her G spot and her clitoris respectively.
What all this means for me is that it's a good idea to have a way of satisfying sexual desire without relying on intercourse.
And one way this can be achieved is by giving the woman an orgasm through fingering her G spot and giving her oral sex before penetration.
In any case, while women do respond very rapidly to G spot stimulation when they're sexually aroused, I believe it's very challenging for most men to last longer in bed and bring a woman to orgasm by thrusting.
In fact, I think on average it takes 15 or 20 minutes of vaginal thrusting with reasonably hard force before a woman reaches orgasm through stimulation of her G spot. This level of ejaculation control is beyond most men.
So maybe the best way to sexually satisfy a woman is to give her an orgasm through oral sex and finger play, using your finger to stimulate her G spot until she is satisfied and has enjoyed one or more orgasms.
Using this method may make it possible to avoid any need for premature ejaculation treatment at all. IF SHE'S HAPPY WITH THAT!
After you've brought her to orgasm, you can enter her and enjoy being inside her sexually aroused and swollen vagina. In fact, you can enjoy the warmth of her tumescent flesh.
What's more, after her orgasm she will be psychologically and emotionally ready to have you enter her, in a way that she wouldn't be without having orgasmed. And you can relinquish your need and desire for control of ejaculation.
And in this approach, would it matter if you lasted a mere two minutes before you ejaculated? Would that even be prematurely?
Or does the idea of "premature" ejaculation now become irrelevant?
A woman in this situation is likely to be satisfied with the level of sexual intimacy she gets.
So even if you have a rapid ejaculation, you'll probably find the whole sexual experience so arousing that your orgasm will be more intense and meaningful. Even when intercourse is short-lived you get satisfaction, intimacy and fulfillment ...
....which leads me back to the question: "Is it necessary to treat premature ejaculation in all cases?"
Perhaps that is something only you can decide for yourselves. I hope this page has helped you discover how to stop thinking about this, and get down and dirty instead!