Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual complaints in men. Around 50% of men ejaculate before they really want to do so during lovemaking.
Basically, premature ejaculation means a man reaches the point of ejaculatory inevitability too soon. He lacks control or any ability to delay his ejaculation.
Here we are going to explore how you might develop greater stamina or endurance in bed, starting with some simple definitions.
Types of Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be divided into 4 groups:
A) Simple: In this scenario the man will need some training in ejaculation control and possibly some support or coaching with his overall abilities as a lover.
However, there are no or few underlying psychological contributing factors which lie behind (and tend to maintain) his rapid climax.
B) Simple plus relational: Premature ejaculation is an issue within the couple's relationship, but both partners are willing to look at the issues involved and support each other through the treatment program.
Both partners take some responsibility for change.
This may involve practicing control techniques together, talking more openly about their physical relationship, expanding their bedroom repertoire, or the man's partner taking responsibility for his or her own orgasm and being willing to engage with his or her own libido and its expression rather than expecting the man to do so.
Of course, many men believe it is their role to satisfy a woman and pleasure her in bed. Well, so much the better that they learn ejaculation control in that case!
C) Complicated: In this category are cases of premature ejaculation which are linked to deep-seated issues within a man's psyche.
This may be true for men beyond their 30s who have built up negative expectations and feelings about sexuality or themselves.
In this case a very quick ejaculation may function as a defensive maneuver to avoid getting close to someone else or finding out more about oneself.
Additionally, childhood experiences or parental attitudes may play a major role for men in this category. Simple treatment techniques may not work for men in this category.
Men may need to do deeper psychological work on themselves before a behavioral program can be effective. Some therapists also recommend anti-depressants, which may lift a man's mood and self-confidence (and may also have a beneficial side-effect: a tendency to delay male climax).
D) Complicated and relational: Premature ejaculation becomes a defense for both partners, and it may confirm existing roles and dynamics within the relationship.
Here, difficulties with ejaculation may simply be a smoke screen for other long-standing relational difficulties.
Often couples are not willing to engage with the programs designed to treat it nor to support each other in a process of change.
It seems as if people are more interested in replaying roles and problems from their past than meeting each other psychologically and emotionally.
In this case, a premature ejaculation may simply be a symbol for what is not working within the relationship.
Realistically, the relationship would still struggle in the same way even if the man lasted longer in bed.
Deeper issues need to be sorted first before his staying power can be addressed. Couple therapy or individual therapy may be the only way forward.